Being in couples therapy is an act of courage. It means you and your partner are both choosing to show up, take a closer look at your relationship, and work toward a deeper understanding of each other. It’s meaningful work, but it can also be emotionally demanding. You may leave a session feeling hopeful and connected one week, then frustrated or vulnerable the next.

Couples therapy focuses on the “we,” yet it also asks a lot from each individual. It requires reflection, emotional honesty, and patience. Supporting yourself throughout this process can make a big difference in how the experience feels and how much you both grow from it.

So how can you care for yourself while you’re working on your relationship?

Make Space for Your Own Feelings

Couples sessions often bring up strong emotions. You might feel angry, sad, defensive, or even guilty after a session. At times, those emotions may linger. It can also feel difficult to switch back into the rest of your day. Setting aside time to check in with yourself afterward can help you process what came up rather than pushing it away.

That might look like journaling for a few minutes, taking a walk, or sitting quietly and asking yourself, “What did I feel today? What felt hard? What do I need right now?” This small step can help prevent emotional overwhelm and keep you grounded between sessions.

Be Kind to Yourself During the Process

Progress in therapy is rarely a straight line.

There may be moments when communication flows easily, and others when you feel stuck or misunderstood. Notice when your inner critic shows up. Maybe you catch yourself thinking, “I’m the problem” or “I’ll never get this right.”

Self-compassion is essential here. Remind yourself that relationships are complex and that learning new ways of relating takes time. You and your partner are both doing something brave and difficult.

Notice What Feels Personal

Sometimes the challenges that surface in couples therapy are not only about the dynamics between two people. They might touch older, deeper parts of you, such as past experiences of rejection, fears of abandonment, or beliefs about love and worth that formed long before this relationship began. These patterns often relate to attachment and emotion.

It can be confusing when this happens. You might start to realize, “This isn’t just about my partner; it’s also about me.” And that awareness, while uncomfortable, can be incredibly valuable. It’s a sign that your therapy is working on multiple levels: relational and personal.

How Individual Therapy Can Deepen the Work You’re Already Doing

When those deeper layers start to surface, it can be helpful to have your own space to explore them more fully. Individual therapy can be one of the supportive choices you make while you’re in couples therapy. Rather than pulling you away from the shared work, it often strengthens it.

Here are some ways personal therapy can help you grow both as an individual and as a partner.

Understanding Your Own Story

We all bring our histories into relationships: how we learned to express emotions, handle conflict, or seek closeness. In couples therapy, these patterns often become visible. Individual therapy helps you trace them back and understand where they began.

You might discover that your habit of withdrawing during conflict once kept you safe in childhood. Or that your fear of being unappreciated has roots in earlier experiences of feeling overlooked. Seeing these patterns with compassion allows you to respond differently in the present rather than repeating old cycles.

Developing Emotional Regulation Skills

Emotional intensity is part of the work in couples therapy. But it’s hard to stay engaged when emotions feel too big to manage. Individual therapy gives you a space to build tools for emotional regulation, such as recognizing early signs of escalation, calming your body, or practicing grounding techniques.

When you strengthen these skills on your own, you bring greater stability and awareness into the couples’ sessions, which makes the joint work more productive and less reactive.

Exploring Your Needs and Boundaries

Individual therapy offers a place to reflect on what you truly need to feel safe and respected in a relationship. It can be a space to untangle questions like:

• What do I need in order to feel connected?
• What boundaries protect my well-being?
• What values do I want to live out in my relationship?

Knowing your own needs and limits doesn’t mean you’re being selfish. It means you’re learning to communicate clearly and take responsibility for your part in the relationship, which actually fosters mutual respect and understanding.

Healing Personal Challenges That Affect the Relationship

Sometimes, personal struggles such as anxiety, depression, trauma, or low self-esteem can quietly shape how you show up with your partner. Individual therapy helps you address these issues directly.

As you work through your own healing, you often find new space for empathy, connection, and joy within your relationship. In other words, personal growth supports relational growth.

A Kind of Support That Strengthens Both “You” and “Us”

The goal of individual therapy isn’t to create distance from your partner. It’s to help you understand yourself better so you can bring that clarity and emotional readiness into your shared work. With your consent, your therapists can even collaborate to ensure that both processes support each other.

When each partner takes care of their own emotional world, the relationship has more room to breathe. The “we” becomes stronger because each person feels grounded within themselves.

When you give yourself permission to seek personal support while working on your relationship, you’re not walking away from the “us.” You’re nurturing the part of you that allows love, trust, and healing to grow.